Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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