Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
