I can tuck mytits in my pants
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
