I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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