end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
