I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
