Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My ATM looks so different sober.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
