i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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