OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
