no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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