Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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