Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
