Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
