My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
