Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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