Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
