u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
