she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
