You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
