and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
