Your face is a jimmy john
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
How external is "for external use only"?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
