we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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