now i know why i became what i already was.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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