Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
