I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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