i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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