some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
