i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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