Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
