I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
