She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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