My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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