So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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