I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
