Ambien. No doubt about it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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