why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
