he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
