Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
