she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
