that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
