The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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