It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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