I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
