I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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