How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
