so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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