Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
