How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
