There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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