I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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