Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
