If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
