laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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