For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
