Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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