UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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