he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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