tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
