So drunk its hurt
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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